It is estimated that 45 million Americans try to diet annually. At Isaacson Natural Health, we do not put our clients on a diet. Instead, we focus on an educational program that is designed to create new dietary lifestyle habits that will continue for a lifetime.
The key to success is simple…you must be willing to change your relationship with food. Once this has become your priority, you must surround yourself with resources that support the changes you are making. This includes the people around you, such as doctors, nutritionists, family, and friends – your Cheerleaders for Change. The downfall to this is that some of those individuals you thought would be your biggest cheerleaders may turn out to be your biggest challengers.
Research shows that one of the negative factors to maintaining weight loss is being married. That means it is more difficult to maintain weight loss if you are married than if you are single! This is attributed to the fact that both people in the marriage must be willing to adapt to change. If one person in a marriage is trying to change their relationship with food, the other person must be willing to change their behavior along with their spouse. It does not mean both people have to eat the same foods. However, it does mean that both must be willing to make changes.
For example, we will assume the wife is trying to change her relationship with food and the husband has initially offered his support. So, the wife begins eating better and making dietary changes. The husband now realizes that his meals have changed at home too. Not to the same degree as his wife’s changes, but he isn’t getting steak as often and he has never eaten so much fish in his life! Any suggestion of going to their favorite Mexican restaurant is met with resistance and he doesn’t dare bring home donuts. The change becomes too much. So, the husband is no longer as supportive of these changes. Clearly, they are affecting his life to a greater degree than he ever thought possible. He thought his wife would be happier, healthier, and lose some weight. How could that not be a win-win situation? Now, his relationship with his wife is more strained as he realizes all that encompasses this new lifestyle. The wife, sensing the strain and resistance to change from her husband is forced to decide between the health of her marriage and her own physical health. She stops trying and in a short period of time is back into her former lifestyle habits. The ones that are stealing her health and happiness. Just as often, these roles can be reversed, swapping the husband for the wife.
Please understand the importance of healthy relationships. The truth is that good relationships keep us happier and healthier.
That is not an opinion – it is actually in the research too! There is a great, short TED talk by Robert Waldinger of Harvard, on how good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Click on the following link to go to the video – What Makes A Good Life?What we want to create is a truly safe environment within relationships that allow for the support of positive lifestyle changes. Frequently, Sara and I will enlist the support of the other if we are going through a more challenging time. It may be that we haven’t eaten as well as we would like and one of us will suggest to the other that, “I need to clean up my diet, I just haven’t been on track lately.” Or, “I have to get moving,” if life hasn’t allowed for the typical exercise routine. In our relationship, this is typically met with supportive comments, such as, “Me too.” Or, “I will go for a swim or run with you in the morning!” These are opportunities to improve your health and the health of your marriage at the same time.
Think about, and perhaps write down some answers to the following questions: If you are married, what evidence of this research have you seen in your own relationship? Is there mutual support when it comes to changing aspects of your life? How can you overcome challenges and/or find ways to further support each other to lifelong change?
This may occur with friends and other family members too. Frequently, their negative response to you changing has much more to do with them and their own issues than it does with you and your quest to create lifestyle changes. The best thing to do is let others keep their own challenges to themselves…don’t make their issues your issues! This allows you to concentrate on what you are doing without worrying about what everyone else thinks. When you have done this over several weeks it becomes easier to “own” your new dietary lifestyle. You need to train your friends and family that this change is not a diet or short term endeavor. This is your new lifestyle. If you have attempted changes in the past that have not lasted, your spouse, family and friends may verbalize this to you. Again, don’t allow them to sabotage your progress. Have confidence that you can change. Remember – keep your eyes on the prize!
Find and surround yourself with other healthy people who will cheer you on and believe in you.
Take some time to think about, and perhaps write down, some of the people who may challenge your new lifestyle of healthy eating. Do you have children, friends or extended family that are negative? If so, who? Do you have a group of friends that socialize around food or encourage unhealthy habits (drinking, drugs, junk food, etc.)? If so, who? If possible, could you benefit from taking a ‘break’ from these unsupportive friends or family until you have established your habits and feel more confident in your new, healthy self? Why do you think these particular people act the way they do? Can you step back and see an issue they may be facing that would cause them to react negatively to your new healthier choices?
If you are willing, please share some of your relationship experiences as you attempted to make healthier lifestyle changes. How did your choices affect your friendships or family relationships? How did you overcome and maintain healthy relationships during a change in lifestyle?
Keep an eye out for our next discussion point in this series:
Think, talk and act in a whole new way for lasting, long term change.